What's Your Dream?

Dreams are funny things. No, I’m talking about the ones you have when you fall asleep. I’m talking about those life long aspirations. That one thing you would do if nothing was holding you back. 

I think I lost mine for a while. 

I wanted to be a vet. 

Too much schooling and I found out that needles literally make me faint. 

I wanted to be a baker. 

I kind of grew out of that one. I didn’t like the idea of waking up at 3 in the morning and then also having to bake something other than cookies and brownies. Plus, I still cannot memorize recipes to this day. 

I wanted to be a photographer. 

My mom told me no. It’s not realistic and being an artist in this world is not financially sound. 

Forever, my dream was to go to college. 

Check. 

Then my dream was to study abroad in Ireland. 

Check. 

Then to graduate college. 

Check. I should also double check this for getting my honors degree as well. #nonhumblebrag #thatsucked #onlyforearlyclassenrollment 

Then I got sick. 

I’ve been on survival mode since then. Getting my health balanced. Getting a job that I’m pretty decent at. Volunteering for the young adult ministry. Getting my faith life balanced. Getting family and friends more balanced. 

I having really been dreaming all that much other than I know at some point I want to start a family. 

Though it hit me today. 

It reminds me of  my favorite book, The Alchemist. 

It talks about omens and how they are little nudges from God to help you know that you are going the right way to fulfill your ‘Personal Legend’ or dream. The main character has to learn to recognize omens and is encouraged to follow them. Later in the book, the boy explains omens to a chieftain. 

“Sometime during the fourth year, the omens will abandon you, because you’ve stopped listening to them.” 

I think I haven’t been really thinking about it because so much has been happening over the past couple years. 

Today I worked from home for a couple hours and then I went into the office for a photoshoot and for a meeting. My bosses are gone for a couple days to scoop out potential franchisees, so I was all on my own. I had a weird timeline when I was at the office because I had to make sure to drop off the Christmas cards, do the photoshoot before my 2:30 meeting. 

As I was leaving I reminisced that one of the favorite parts of my job was doing photoshoots. Even though it is literally just me, lights, pizza, and my camera with the store workers buzzing around behind the counter. I really enjoy looking up shots, making a shot list, and seeing everything come into fruition. Then spending a couple days editing and making the most tasty poster for the next month promotion. 

Then I went into a meeting a bit early and kind of blew it off. 

Later in the evening, I was going through the photos and just making a note of the ones that could work for the next month’s promotions. My friend came through the door, who I literally forgot was going to come over to pick up a letter and drop off some money to a roommate. We got to talking about my work and the recent shoot we did with her and her boyfriend for a coupon mailer going out at the end of December. 

I sent her copies off all of the photos because I was so appreciative of them agreeing to do the shoot. She said that she showed the photos to her parents(who are talented artists whom I admire) and she said they really loved them and they like how I capture moments. 

I feel like I keep having these little omens about photography. Even at our annual Christmas party,  new friend mentioned that she loved the photos that I post on Instagram(which is an odd conversation topic to just come out of nowhere). 

I’ve always loved photography. As I mentioned earlier, I was planning to become a photographer until I was turned off by what my mother said. So that’s why I went into marketing. Don’t get me wrong- I absolutely loved all of my marketing classes and the psychology intertwined in it, but I’ve had this weird knack for it. 

I took photojournalism classes in high school and I absolutely loved it. My teacher always tried to recruit me for the yearbook class, but I turned it down because I had other activities that took up my time( basically German club). 

For my senior project for high school, I basically just made a scrapbook of my entire year. Luckily, my family was in different stages in their lives, so I was able to capture a major scope of life. 

I think what did turn me off to photography was when I was selected as the photographer at St. Pauls during my junior year. I had to take photos of every event and everything that went on. It made me feel really disconnected and I honestly lost my passion. I felt like I wasn’t able to fully participate in the moment. I was capturing it, but I could only see the technical side of it. I lost the ability to have fun with the medium. 

I remember a talk I had with a friend who is a professional photographer/videographer. I told him that I was lost in my photography. He told me to just go out and shoot. Just for me. I really haven’t taken his advice until this past summer. 

I went out and did a long hike by myself and took a million photos. Then for my birthday, I took a couple friends out to the middle of nowhere and we just had a blast and took silly little videos that haven’t seen the light of day. 

I’ve started weird little photo series that only I know about or have categorized in my brain. One is cool- about where I bike around in town. One is kind of lame- it’s kind of like a where I’ve been series. I take photos of my legs in different places like when I was in Washington for a conference or an airport or at work or laying in my bed after experiencing some UC symptoms. I think it’s silly and interesting. 

I’m trying to get in the hang of simply going out and doing a photoshoot when I think it’s beautiful outside. We had this massive snowfall last week. It was nasty driving out to church, but I loved how the snow gleamed on the trees, so I decided to do a photoshoot. When I got home, one of my roommates was there, so I invited her out to go with me. It was just so awesome to capture nature’s beauty. And I had a lovely conversation with my roommate. 

I really love going out and taking pictures for my own enjoyment. There’s no pressure from a boss. I mean if I  photograph a person, they could not like how they look or how I captured them. But if they volunteered and there is no moolah on the line, then I don’t feel bad about it. I still think they are beautiful, even if they can’t see it through my photography. 

When I went to Content Marketing. World in September, one of the keynote speakers was National Geographic photographer Dewitt Jones. He was so inspiring. I feel like he embodied who I would want to be. (I mean not entirely. His instagram isn’t THAT impressive or at least his captions aren’t. I guess he is just a photographer and not a copywriter.)

I just love photography. I try to capture what I see. I think I see a lot of beautiful things and I want people to see it the way I do. Photography is the way that I am able to get my point across. I can’t draw worth a damn( literally glad that I can sketch pizzas with a simple circle) and my pottery was always subpar. 

It’s art. Yes, I am probably manipulating you to try to feel another way. I’ll change the color and shadows and some blemishes. Because I see such vivid color and contrasts and beauty. 

So that’s my dream.  

I just want to live my life and be able to show the beauty of everything I go through. Through the joys and the heartbreaks. I remember one of my favorite photos I took during my flower phase(if you don’t know what this is, don’t talk to me.) and it was of a rose that was dying. It was turn down to the ground and and about half brown and crinkled. But it still had so much residual beauty from when it was a sunset pink and orange. It’s a bittersweet. It’s the same reason that I find old people beautiful. Every crease and wrinkle has a story behind it. There is so much life that has been lived and a story to tell. It leaves you wanting more. 

I don’t know if I could actually do It  as a job. Right now I think I am content doing my pizza photos, family/friend portraits, and landscapes. I get to do it for me without input from anyone else. Then I am able to share what I want with the world without any expectations. It’s more pure to me that way. 

Maybe I’ll be one of those artists that becomes famous after I die because my grandkids will have me go viral on the hyper drive(it’s the thing that’s coming after the internet. Omg I can’t believe you haven’t heard of it.)

Or maybe an opportunity will come up that will change my mind. And I’ll photograph for Catholic Charities across the world. 

Only God knows. 

I’ll just keep dragging along my friends for impromptu photoshoots and having little adventures by myself. 

But I am the only one who gets to determine success in my dream. I think as long as I am still enjoying it and not getting lost behind the lens, then I am doing it right. Position titles and accolades have never been my goal anyway. I get to share my gift with those who matter to me, and I am happy with that. 

So moral of the story, I don’t know. My train of thought is lost. I’ve been writing this on and off for a couple hours. If you’ve gotten this far, kudos to you man. Or lady. 

HMU if you know someone who would want to pay me for pictures of my life. 

PS. Don’t do that. That’s creepy. And a bit stalkerish. Just settle with checking out my instagram or Pinterest page for photos. 

PS. I hope that you have a dream. If someone tells you it is silly, punch them in the face. Unless that person is your mom. yikes. That would be rude. Don’t be rude. If that is your dream take a note from Rapunzel- that is a stupid dream and you should get a new one.

PPS You’re not stupid. Just your dream is. 

PPPS You can’t fix stupid. So I’m sorry ‘bout that. 

PPPPS At least God still loves you. :*